On Confrontations
……………haseena

I have been a non confrontational person most of my life . I believe in peace , amicablilty and an atmosphere of cheer around me.

So in order to maintain a zone of cheerfulness around me , I would ignore some things , when hurt would bear and keep quite and carry on with the Friendships.

As I evolved from stage to stage it was inevitable that my nature too evolved.
I became more confident of myself as I took on new roles personally and professionally, developing my own opinions and principles.

I discovered a new me , waiting to come out and transform my personality.I could no longer tolerate the fakeness or skirting round issues, or just some wrong .

The first time I underwent an awful experience in my personal life was in my first job when my closest colleague and friend on campus and room mate stopped talking to me . I couldn’t handle it and was an emotional mess. Due to lack of communication I couldn’t figure out my fault, I felt humiliated ,depressed , lonely, angry and worst of all guilty. It was a heart breaking experience ,but the experience made me wiser and stronger.There was of course no Confrontation .

The first time I had a confrontation was professionally when I stood up for myself and in the process became a representation of problems for the rest of my colleagues too. It was a powerful experience and one which gave me immense satisfaction and empowerment.

In India ,in our society ,in our family with our relatives and friends ,we tend to brush the issues under the carpet, there is no culture of discussing problems one to one between two individuals.

If a confrontation happens , the scene deteriorates into a fight. There is no maturity or patience to listen to the other side of the story and that is a very sad state of affairs. The Ego is a big hindrance and prevents one from accepting one’s mistakes which is human and most normal.

The most amazing thing is that nothing seems to matter when it comes to a confrontation…. education , social nor economic status or anything else does not count at all…the individuals talk and behave most illogically turning a deaf ear to reason and refuse to sort it out with a mature and sane discussion of problems.

At a certain stage in my life, I became mature enough and equipped mentally to handle face to face discussions about issues.Yes it requires guts to do so.

For me personally every confrontation in my life has been a learning experience.
I must say I have discovered my own flaws which were a revelation.

This gave me a chance to rectify my own behaviour , reflect , introspect and accept my part in the whole issue I have had with individuals in personal as well as professional life.

Carrying grievance in one’s heart is never recommended. I discovered to my own expense how difficult it becomes if one goes into a shell and stops all communication…It drives away people and you are left alone …And then the path to normal communication becomes an uphill task.
It changes our entire behaviour and the dynamics of our relationships.

It is always better to discuss whatever issue we have …Whether about our Insecurity with spouse, household issues with in laws, emotional feelings with friends in a mature way and get it out of the way.

This leads to a better understanding and we certainly develop mature ,sensitive and stronger relationships.

Confronting is definitely a life skill…
Saves time and misunderstanding s…
Strengthens relationships….

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